Varsity Blues - Matt

I was recently at the two-gate airport in New Bern, N.C. (the birthplace of Pepsi!) and I stopped in at what was described as the "deli". I ordered a ham sandwich and then admired the Corona beer vending machine, thus confirming there is not a single airport in America where you can't get loaded before getting on the plane. The elderly lady behind the counter went to a table, opened a loaf of Wonder Bread and a packet of Oscar Meyer ham and unlovingly assembled a sandwich that would have made Dagwood commit suicide. As she was ringing me up (cash only; seriously), she looked up at the television hanging above and remarked, "Now, that's a great movie." I had already noticed that Remember the Titans was running on TBS. Of course the old hag was fondly commenting on this movie. But we all know. Remember the Titans sucks. It really sucks. It is painful to watch. That pain is compounded by the fact that you know so many people love it. Screw "Beatles or Stones?" as a psychological test. Give me, "Do you like Remember the Titans?" Say yes, and I know our conversation is likely going to consist of a discussion of those silly headlines Jay Lino is able to find. Furthermore, Remember the Titans ruined Sports Movies. Every Sports Movice since has followed the plot and conflicts of that were shoved down your throat in it. It was released in 2000. This was followed by a decade without a single good sports movie. So, why this rant? It's simple, the last great sports movie: 1999's Varsity Blues. Don't believe me? Look at this list of Sports Movies released in the 90's:

Necessary Roughness (1991)
The Last Boy Scout (1991)
School Ties (1992)
The Program (1993)
Rudy (1993)
Jerry Maguire (1996)
The Waterboy (1998)
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Varsity Blues (1999)


The next sports movie (well after 1999's cult classic Fumbleheads)?
Remember the Titans (2000)


This was then followed by these gems in the 00's:
The Replacements (2000)
Full Ride (2001)
The Slaughter Rule (2002)
The Junction Boys (2002)
Hometown Legend (2002)
The Second String (2002)
Radio (2003)
Friday Night Lights (2004)
The Longest Yard (Remake) (2005)
Two For the Money (2005)
Invincible (2006)
We Are Marshall (2006)
Facing the Giants (2006)
Gridiron Gang (2006)
The Comebacks (2007)
The Game Plan (film) (2007)
Leatherheads (2007)
The Express (2008)
The Longshots (2008)


Seriously. Each and everyone of these is horrible. The only good sports movie this decade is Friday Night Lights. Not the movie of course, but the T.V. show - where we often have to find well-acted and well-written entertainment these days.

So just what makes Varsity Blues so great? First, it is a complete male fantasy. But I disagree with Brian. What you have here is a psychological analysis of a teenage boy. It is the id, the ego and super ego. Moxon encompass all three as he progresses through the movie. Brian makes a great point that he never "grows", however, I would argue that the point is he ends up right back where he started, and that is a good thing (or at least that is the point of the movie). As his fantasies are lived out, he learns that the life he was living, or the path he was on, was the life he wanted (as Brain noted, we know one life he definitely did not want). As a teenagers, we often see ourselves cast as a specific type, and fantasize about how the other types live. Moxon gets to do this. I mean, he goes to a freaking strip club ON A WEEKNIGHT and sees his hot sex ed teacher strip AS A SCHOOLGIRL!!! That scene has stayed with me even more so than the ever so iconic whipped cream bikini scene. It is not only sexual fantasies though. What high school athlete did not dream of karate chopping his coach in the face, leaving him lying on the floor, and then leading the team out to victory without the supervision of a single authoritative figure. It is completely ridiculous, but in Varsity Blues, it happens.

Sure, in the end, everyone lives happily ever. That too is ridiculous. But it is a great ride getting there. Too bad Remember the Titans had to ruin everyone's fun.

Varsity Blues

Year: 1999
Starring: James Van Der Beek, Jon Voigt, Amy Smart
Rotten Tomatoes: 39% fresh
IMDB: 6.0
Tagline: "Make your own rules."


BK review: I will start out by noting that I will refer to this one as a movie, not as a film. But I will see it was a very entertaining - very cheesy - movie. This movie could really be summed up by one scene: Johnny Moxin throwing the ball in the front yard before angrily stating "I don't want your life" with Van Der Beek's terrible Texas accent. Really terrible. I like this movie for a number of reasons. (1) I thought Voigt does a fantastic job as the asshole head coach. (2) It was the first time I had seen Amy Smart, and I am now a big fan of hers. (3) The whip cream bikini. (4) Most of the lines uttered by Tweeter. (5) The game action is actually pretty well put together and realistic-looking. (6) The fact that Ron Lester played the overweight lineman named Billy Bob in this one, then reprises that exact same role as Reggie Ray in Not Another Teen Movie.

But, this movie is nothing more than a fun 105 minutes. You can re-watch it again on cable, but not all the way through - only in bits and pieces. Other than Voigt and Scott Caan, none of the acting was anything to write home about. The plot was pretty predictable. The only time it lost its predictability is when the team plays without a coach - and that's just absurd, so I don't give any credit there. Also, you have the same old storyline of girl dating back-up player who then becomes star, so she stops getting along with him for some reason only to get back with him at the end (see: Teen Wolf). Here's the problem: Van Der Beek's character does not change at all in the movie, other than becoming the starting QB. It was just that the director - Brian Robbins - apparently felt this romantic drama had to occur, like it was in the book he read about directing movies. Smart's character dates Moxin, then gets annoyed at him for basically no reason, then gets back with him at the end, only neither of them has changed at any point - they broke up merely as a required plot point. And yes, I spent more time on this than need be, it has just always bugged me.

Last thing I will add - would any business owner who loves his high school football team as much as they make it seem in this movie ever allow the team to come to his establishment in get ridiculously drunk the night before a big game? Doubt it.

So, the movie misses on a bunch of things. If you were hoping to watch a gripping drama about high school football, then this is not for you. If you want to have a few beers, grab a few quotable lines that will draw some laughs in the future, then this movie will fit the bill.

Out of 100, I give this one a 63.

American Psycho

Year: 2000
Starring: Christian Bale, Josh Lucas, Reese Witherspoon, Willem Defoe
Rotten Tomatoes: 66% fresh
IMDB: 7.4
Tagline: "No Introduction Necessary."

BK Review: This film, based on a novel by Bret Easton Ellis, is most certainly in my Top 75 of movies all-time. This was the first movie I saw starring Christian Bale (on DVD, shortly before Batman Begins), and it quickly let me know that if Bale was in a movie, it was probably worth seeing. However, this movie is definitely not for all movie-goers. It might seem slow-moving to some, overly violent to others, or lacking a plot structure that makes sense. I actually like all of these qualities - though I don't actually think its pace was too slow.

Essentially, Bale plays Patrick Bateman, a Wall Street worker who watches co-workers compare the font of their business cards by day and kills people by night. Or does he? That's the real beauty of this movie to me - some of the actions in the movie seem so absurd that you might expect to be listed as "goofs." Scenes where a person who has to believe every scene he is seeing will dismiss the movie as implausible, but I don't think we are expected to believe that every scene we see in the movie is depicted exactly how it happened.

In addition to Bale, Willem Dafor plays his usual creepy and slightly off role, but he does so perfectly as the detective investigating a missing colleague of Bale's. Witherspoon does a nice job as Bateman's fiancee, and Jared Leto does a solid job playing the all important Paul Allen - a man at the center of the whodunit portions of the film.

In the end, I would very highly recommend this movie - though I would caution who I recommended it to. I would not watch this movie with your parents, nor would I watch it on a first or second date - unless you are really putting your new partner to the test. However, I would go out and rent it for someone who is a Huey Lewis fan, as it may change their lives.

Out of 100, I give American Psycho an 80.

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MD review: This movie was released in 2000, a year following one of the best movie years ever. But I think you have to consider this as part of that great wave of non-indie, entertaining, fresh movies from 1996 - 2000 that seemed to dissipate after 9/11 (see Best Movies of '00's Lists - pretty lackluster). Frankly, American Psycho is fun. The first part that always jumps to mind is the business card scene. The embossing, the borders, and who the hell knew there were so many shades of white ("bone"). The rage on Bateman's face after Luis unsheathes his card is priceless.

Shockingly, this movie was directed by a female - Mary Harron - who has essentially done nothing before or since. She also assisted with the screenplay (with another female), and while the characters' dialogue lacks the crispness of Ellison's book, I believe she does a wonderful job with the direction. She gets a great performance out of Bale, as Brian mentioned. We have now seen this type of performance is the norm, but during my initial viewing, I too was in awe with Bale, which eventually led to me actually watching 20 minutes of The Machinist. But it is not just Bale. All the other actors provide realistic, yet disturbing performances. I particularly enjoyed the two actresses playing the roles of prostitutes that visit Bateman's apartment. To me, they seem to act as though they have seen a lot of crazy shit in their time, but this guy, well, he is something else. Another kudos to Harron - the pacing of the movie is very well done. While it could have come across as a disjointed collection of scenes, she never lets the plot lapse, and while the situations increase in their utter ridiculousness towards the end - culminating with Bateman's lunch with Evelyn - the movie holds together.

Oh, and how great is the chainsaw drop? It is almost cheeky, and you expect Bateman to turn to the camera and shrug his shoulders - as if to say "Yea, who the fuck knows how that happened?" I believe the scene is when you know for sure that the line between reality and Bateman's dream world has surely blurred.

I think the other theme that must be discussed regarding this movie is the vanity and materialism of the times. Bateman's routine for preparing in the morning. The clothes. The VHS tapes. The restaurants, not to mention the reservations. To think, just 5 - 10 years before the time the movie was set, this would have all been so foreign. And now, are things even a bit different in NYC? As an outsider, I suspect it is not. While these scenes all provide an obvious appeal for us watching in the 00's, what is also fascinating is that the movie encapsulates the "birth of pop culture". As is so true with our society since the early 80's, people do not like art because it appeals to them, people like art because the art is forced down their throat. Bateman's inclination towards the commercial albums of Huey Lewis and the News and Phil Collins is a great example. He takes the time to learn so much about these, to formulate thoughts and opinions, but really, a 5 year old could offer the same type of analysis. To me, this is "pop culture".

Finally, I could not watch this movie without thinking of The Bonfire of the Vanities. There, the Masters of the Universe at least worked hard. They traded bonds and made millions everyday. In American Psycho, no one worked at all. Every character was obsessed with the fruits of their labor, but yet, there was no labor. What was the point of this? Why so vapid? Really, each character is no different that those business cards.