Varsity Blues - Matt

I was recently at the two-gate airport in New Bern, N.C. (the birthplace of Pepsi!) and I stopped in at what was described as the "deli". I ordered a ham sandwich and then admired the Corona beer vending machine, thus confirming there is not a single airport in America where you can't get loaded before getting on the plane. The elderly lady behind the counter went to a table, opened a loaf of Wonder Bread and a packet of Oscar Meyer ham and unlovingly assembled a sandwich that would have made Dagwood commit suicide. As she was ringing me up (cash only; seriously), she looked up at the television hanging above and remarked, "Now, that's a great movie." I had already noticed that Remember the Titans was running on TBS. Of course the old hag was fondly commenting on this movie. But we all know. Remember the Titans sucks. It really sucks. It is painful to watch. That pain is compounded by the fact that you know so many people love it. Screw "Beatles or Stones?" as a psychological test. Give me, "Do you like Remember the Titans?" Say yes, and I know our conversation is likely going to consist of a discussion of those silly headlines Jay Lino is able to find. Furthermore, Remember the Titans ruined Sports Movies. Every Sports Movice since has followed the plot and conflicts of that were shoved down your throat in it. It was released in 2000. This was followed by a decade without a single good sports movie. So, why this rant? It's simple, the last great sports movie: 1999's Varsity Blues. Don't believe me? Look at this list of Sports Movies released in the 90's:

Necessary Roughness (1991)
The Last Boy Scout (1991)
School Ties (1992)
The Program (1993)
Rudy (1993)
Jerry Maguire (1996)
The Waterboy (1998)
Any Given Sunday (1999)
Varsity Blues (1999)


The next sports movie (well after 1999's cult classic Fumbleheads)?
Remember the Titans (2000)


This was then followed by these gems in the 00's:
The Replacements (2000)
Full Ride (2001)
The Slaughter Rule (2002)
The Junction Boys (2002)
Hometown Legend (2002)
The Second String (2002)
Radio (2003)
Friday Night Lights (2004)
The Longest Yard (Remake) (2005)
Two For the Money (2005)
Invincible (2006)
We Are Marshall (2006)
Facing the Giants (2006)
Gridiron Gang (2006)
The Comebacks (2007)
The Game Plan (film) (2007)
Leatherheads (2007)
The Express (2008)
The Longshots (2008)


Seriously. Each and everyone of these is horrible. The only good sports movie this decade is Friday Night Lights. Not the movie of course, but the T.V. show - where we often have to find well-acted and well-written entertainment these days.

So just what makes Varsity Blues so great? First, it is a complete male fantasy. But I disagree with Brian. What you have here is a psychological analysis of a teenage boy. It is the id, the ego and super ego. Moxon encompass all three as he progresses through the movie. Brian makes a great point that he never "grows", however, I would argue that the point is he ends up right back where he started, and that is a good thing (or at least that is the point of the movie). As his fantasies are lived out, he learns that the life he was living, or the path he was on, was the life he wanted (as Brain noted, we know one life he definitely did not want). As a teenagers, we often see ourselves cast as a specific type, and fantasize about how the other types live. Moxon gets to do this. I mean, he goes to a freaking strip club ON A WEEKNIGHT and sees his hot sex ed teacher strip AS A SCHOOLGIRL!!! That scene has stayed with me even more so than the ever so iconic whipped cream bikini scene. It is not only sexual fantasies though. What high school athlete did not dream of karate chopping his coach in the face, leaving him lying on the floor, and then leading the team out to victory without the supervision of a single authoritative figure. It is completely ridiculous, but in Varsity Blues, it happens.

Sure, in the end, everyone lives happily ever. That too is ridiculous. But it is a great ride getting there. Too bad Remember the Titans had to ruin everyone's fun.